It’s alright.  Fess up.  We all get annoyed.  It’s not that there are multitudes of annoying specimens wandering the world; rather, it is the simple fact that the good Lord created us with a variety of personalities to keep things interesting, and sometimes those personalities clash.  Most of the time, the real problem doesn’t rest within the person who annoys us, it rests within us and our perceptions of that individual.

Nevertheless, we get annoyed.  And when it comes, it seems to come like a rushing wind.  Maybe you run into someone in the grocery store that has hurt you in the past and you’re still working through it.  Maybe you see someone at a party who just gets.on.your.nerves and you find yourself in a conversation with that person.  Maybe you stumble into an affair that forces you to spend lengthy amounts of time with that person.  Maybe that person is a member of your own family, your circle of friends, your church, or your book club.  Whatever the case, being rude or blowing them off is not acceptable here in the South, and it’s certainly not acceptable in Christianity.

To ease the sting of annoyance and to aid you in case you find yourself in such a situation, I’ve compiled five easy ways to help you deal with an encounter with someone who annoys you, and therefore to actually enjoy your time with them.

1. Relax.  Numero uno, my friends.  When we are in a stressful circumstance, like being around someone whose personality irks us, we tend to tense up.  If that tension festers, we shut down internally and end up being more agitated than we were originally.  So, breathe.  Laugh.  Grab a glass of wine.  Say a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit.  Whatever calms you down and opens you up to conversation, do it.

2. Find common ground.  It is possible to find something, even the tiniest little thing, you have in common with just about everyone.  Have a mutual friend?  Share the same faith?  Listen to the same music?  Eating the same thing at the gathering?  Have a similar interest in hobbies, sports, careers, etc.?  Find that common ground and cling to it.  It is your cherry-flavored lifesaver.  Talking about something that interests you automatically puts you at ease and allows you to connect on a deeper-than-the-surface level.

3. Learn more about them.  I have found that, in many instances where I find myself annoyed with someone, if I get to know that person a bit better, they make more sense, and thus I become less annoyed.  What am I saying?  Often, we get annoyed because there is a certain aspect(s) of a person that bugs us (for whatever reason- the possibilities are endless, really- remember that sometimes personalities just don’t mesh).  But once you find that aforementioned common ground, it is easier to learn more about that person.  It opens up conversation to more questions and insights, without feeling forced.  Learning more about the person, who they are and where they’ve been, shifts your focus from what annoys you about that person to simply the person.  Make sense?  Ok let’s move on…

4. Bring someone else into the conversation.  If possible, of course.  Now, this is not intended to be a Who Wants to be a Millionaire Phone-A-Friend kind of business.  If it’s obvious that you’re reaching and crying out in desperation for a lifeline, you’re being a jerk and defeating the purpose.  Don’t search for someone who doesn’t annoy you in order to run away from the one who does.  That’s a shady move, even if the annoy-er doesn’t realize what you’re doing.  Nay, nay.  That being said, don’t be afraid to invite a linger-er into the convo.  Introductions can easily be made, casual topics can be covered simply.  Plus, maybe the third-party isn’t annoyed by the one who annoys you, which can muster chit-chat easier, help you relax, feel less pressure, and truly enjoy the people around you.

5. Your mother was right: Offer it up for an intention and realize that life’s not all about you.  If all the above efforts fail, Christian charity still requires us to love.  When I am beyond annoyed, I quickly remind myself that the one who annoys me is a child of the Father, just like me; they are unique, unrepeatable, and irreplaceable, just like me; they have an indescribably important purpose in life, just like me.  The fact that they are spending minutes of their precious life chatting with me should humble me and make me appreciative, not irritated.  I am quite confident that I annoy some people, that I am the thorn in the side of certain beings, and that those people cringe whenever I strike up a conversation with them.  So, I have to ask myself, how do I want to be treated in those circumstances?  Remembering these basic tenets about the human person usually snaps me back to reality real quick; and although it may not make the annoying situation ease completely, it certainly makes it worth it.

Now, I recognize that this is all easier said than done, and that we are constantly learning and failing, trying and succeeding in these areas.  This is not an exhaustive list of tips; but it has certainly helped me to see beyond myself and into the importance of the other person many times before.  But, you tell me: What did I miss?  Any advice on getting over yourself and enjoying time with someone who initially annoys you? Let me know below!

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