I looked down at my baby nephew, barely able to sit up on his own, and then panic-glanced over to the small granddaddy longlegs that was slowly making its way toward him.
My sister-in-law and I were sitting outside on our in-laws’ porch, watching her baby boy play nearby and talking about my belly-growth as George was making his presence known in my womb.
We both spotted the spider crawling toward the baby, stood up and stood over him, and decided something needed to be done.
Slightly hysterically, I suggested that my sister kill the spider. Just kill it! Kill it already! It’s crawling toward your baby!
Calmly, she picked up her son and looked at me sheepishly as she admitted:
“I know it sounds crazy, but ever since becoming a mom, I have such a hard time killing things. Like this spider! Isn’t that crazy?!”
“No, it’s not crazy – it’s sweet!”, I reassured her. But let me assure you that, in my mind, I was wholeheartedly agreeing with her apology and reiterating, “That is crazy. I mean, it’s a bug. Crawling toward your baby. Just kill the thing.:”
And for that, sweet B, I apologize. Because now that George is here, I totally get it.
Pregnant me thought my sister-in-law was being a little emotional. Current me thinks my sister-in-law was spot on.
Motherhood is a crazy force of creation that causes moms to get a wee bit insane. This is one of the side effects – a universal love and compassion for all things small and all things that have a mother. So pretty much all things.
Now, I have a hard time killing bugs. I cringe more when the news reports tragedies. I sobbed during Blackfish when the baby whale was separated from her mom.
And when our state’s basketball team beat their opponent in a nail-bitting finish, I cried, much to David’s dismay. He asked me why I was sad when the TV screen showed a defeated player sitting on the court, his jersey puled over his tear-filled eyes.
Choking back my tears, I explained … “He has a mom!”
I thought of this player’s mom, and how much she must love him, and how proud of him she must be, and how much, in that moment, she wanted to run down on that court, hug him, and let him cry on her shoulder, much like he did when he would scrape his knee as a young boy.
See? Motherhood makes you cray-zay.
I suppose these feelings won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. So I’ll just settle right in to the constant thoughts of people and animals and the fact that they have moms. I’ll be right here watching the bald eagles hatch with a tissue, should you need one.