Dear New Mom,

I see you, standing in the middle of the cereal aisle at the grocery store. You’re holding your new baby and she’s getting fussy. And suddenly her cries become a bit louder, her thrashes a bit more forceful, and you glance over your shoulder apologetically at the people who struggle to squeeze by you and your shopping cart that’s overflowing with your diaper bag, the baby’s car seat, and the 3 cartons of ice cream that last week you swore off when you saw your postpartum body in the mirror. I see your face flush as you bounce your baby up and down and repeat “shhhh” as if your life depended on it. I see the angst on your face as you labor to just find the damn Honey Nut Cheerios so you can quickly duck away from the spotlight you’ve imagined you’re under. Your sweet baby cries louder and you cringe in fear of someone making a negative remark towards you. You finally find your targeted family-sized cereal box, throw it in the cart, and awkwardly maneuver it one-handed as you weave through the crowd, thankful that this torture is almost over. At this point you’re sweating, your hair is in your face, you’re exhausted from this hour-long errand that once took you a mere 15 minutes, your baby is still testing our the strength of her lungs, and you’re wondering if you’re going to make it to the car without first bursting into tears yourself.

And you’re probably thinking of all the other women out there who are doing this whole motherhood thing better than you.

You’re most likely making a mental list of all the ways you have failed today, and the ways you assume all other mothers in the world have succeeded. You’re probably wondering why God even made you a mom in the first place, because you clearly feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. I would guess that you’re even wishing that your sweet little girl had a more competent, more experienced, more perfect mother to raise her.

I speculate these things because I, too, am a new mom. I, too, have these thoughts and feelings as I wade through the trenches of new motherhood. And I, too, sometimes feel like there’s millions of women who are doing a much better job than I am.

But here’s the thing, lovely, beautiful new mom: No one could be a better mother to your child than you.

You are completely and utterly irreplaceable. You are the one who is given the grace to love this baby more selflessly each day. You are the one God designed for your daughter’s heart. And your baby? Well, she thinks you’re the greatest person on the planet. In her eyes, she wouldn’t have anyone else.

So new mama, be patient with yourself, because you’re doing a wonderful job. Stop comparing yourself to other moms because those moms weren’t destined to be the mom of your little one. You were made for this, you were made to be the mom of your babe. No lack of experience and no amount of failings can change that fact.

You are a terrific mother. So keep pushing that shopping cart one-handed, but hold your sweaty head high, because you are one of a kind, you are vital, you are irreplaceable.

With love and solidarity,

Another new mom